Ok. fully aware that I’m just writing to myself. The last five years I’ve been more or less drugged and useless. I’ve tried a few times in brief moments of sobriety to start the strip again, only to fail and just pursue some form of escapism in drugs and alcohol.
I did it to myself. I feel bad about it. I’m about a week sober (as of this post, and feeling weirder/crazier than ever). This last year (or at least since last October) I have been struggling hard to stop and sober myself. I’ll stop, last for about a month or two and then and then start all over. Thing is, I wasn’t all that functional before I started fucking around with drugs.
Since October I’ve sporadically posted doodles and practice sketches to the Atomic Tails Instagram. This last week, right when I decided to sober, I also decided to get back to work on the strip and my personal life in general. I’ve been writing new comics. They’re going to be different then the direction I had before. Some characters have changed, I have new ideas, and Jason (real world Chud) has been helping me develope it. I won’t promise anything yet, but I have been fighting myself pretty damn hard to draw, write, and plan the new series of strips, which I hope is done… soon.
However, I profoundly don’t feel well. In a weird way I feel both “low” and “scattered” in away I’ve never felt before. The last five years have been a humiliating and painful experience, that I want to put far behind me. I don’t know if Atomic Tails is the right thing to do. Even if I accomplish what I want (a regular series of entertaining comic strips about oddball mice), I doubt it will ever be successful. Like me, it might be just too weird for this world. But, drawing and writing for it helps me deal with withdrawls and a lot of past hurts.
So, if you happen on this, and I’m someone you knew. I’m trying.
New strips coming soon. I promise.
Sean.